This last weekend, I decided to test my bravery and independence and stay in Ban Thaen by myself instead of going to visit friends. This isn't so much a decision I regret, but it's definitely one I likely wont make again. To be blunt, this weekend was brutal for me. It was, by far, the hardest weekend I have had in a long time and brought me to a level of homesickness that I have never experienced. I was feeling so sorry for myself, and allowed myself to isolate. For 48 hours I left my room 3 times, only to get food, slept an impressive amount, and was feeling so sad about having to miss my Mom's 50th birthday. I spent most of Sunday freaking out and questioning my ability to stick this out for a daunting 5 more months. I was doing everything I could to trick my mind into believing that 5 months was not that long (In hindsight, I know its not). Today, during school, I did the same thing. Looked up flights home in April, drew out a calendar of the days I have left in my semester, planned and budgeted for imaginary trips. I was literally counting down my days. I was so disappointed in myself for wishing my time in Thailand away, but I couldn't help it.
And then the end of the day came...
Earlier in the day, my director came to me to let me know I would have to attend a meeting at the end of the day. I assumed it was about something we had discussed earlier in the week, but it wasn't. The meeting was just monthly meeting the teachers have, but the beginning of the meeting was dedicated to honoring the new staff at the school, which I am obviously one of. I had no clue what they were saying, but I was given a bouquet of (fake) flowers, which is better because I won't have to worry about watering, and then my photo was taken. It was such a small gesture, but it made me feel so much better about where I am and what I am doing here, but it also made me realize something that has been proven to me, and all my friends here, time and again. It proved to me that, Thailand takes care of you.
It has been such a common trend among the people I have met here. When we have been in a place of such need, somehow Thailand knows, and it comes through for us. Just today, a friend of mine woke up to devastating news back home. As would anyone, she felt a bit shaken. Being so far from home and having to deal with those emotions alone is next to impossible...but then Thailand came through. As she was sitting on the beach processing things, a group of 3 Thai girls came up to see if she was okay. They ended up talking for an hour and by the end of it agreed to help each other learn each other's language. It was the small boost she needed to help her heal, even just for that moment.
Another instance was when my friend, who was also struggling to adapt to her new placement due to her students being actual demons, decided to relocate. During her final weekend in that city, the people of her community embraced her, and treated her like a Queen. They took her to local national parks, brought her out to clubs...you name it. The Thai people came through. They showed her how amazing this country can be and it helped her get that courage to start over at a new school, in a new city.
I could keep going with these stories, but they all have the same idea. This country has some amazing and weird power, and when you need it the most, it's delivered to you. I have always believed that everything happens for a reason, and once again it has been proven to me. I might have had the most miserable
weekend, but I needed it. I needed to be sad, I needed to be lonely, because if I wasn't, I would have never realized Thailand's remarkable gift and reminders that I am here, and will stay, for a reason.
Sidenote- just as I walked into my room to write this, I had texts from my Uncle with pictures of my cousins, aunts and grandpa telling me about the afternoon they spent at our family's favorite restaurant. Just another example of Thailand taking care of me, and continuing to lift my spirits.
And then the end of the day came...
Earlier in the day, my director came to me to let me know I would have to attend a meeting at the end of the day. I assumed it was about something we had discussed earlier in the week, but it wasn't. The meeting was just monthly meeting the teachers have, but the beginning of the meeting was dedicated to honoring the new staff at the school, which I am obviously one of. I had no clue what they were saying, but I was given a bouquet of (fake) flowers, which is better because I won't have to worry about watering, and then my photo was taken. It was such a small gesture, but it made me feel so much better about where I am and what I am doing here, but it also made me realize something that has been proven to me, and all my friends here, time and again. It proved to me that, Thailand takes care of you.
It has been such a common trend among the people I have met here. When we have been in a place of such need, somehow Thailand knows, and it comes through for us. Just today, a friend of mine woke up to devastating news back home. As would anyone, she felt a bit shaken. Being so far from home and having to deal with those emotions alone is next to impossible...but then Thailand came through. As she was sitting on the beach processing things, a group of 3 Thai girls came up to see if she was okay. They ended up talking for an hour and by the end of it agreed to help each other learn each other's language. It was the small boost she needed to help her heal, even just for that moment.
Another instance was when my friend, who was also struggling to adapt to her new placement due to her students being actual demons, decided to relocate. During her final weekend in that city, the people of her community embraced her, and treated her like a Queen. They took her to local national parks, brought her out to clubs...you name it. The Thai people came through. They showed her how amazing this country can be and it helped her get that courage to start over at a new school, in a new city.
I could keep going with these stories, but they all have the same idea. This country has some amazing and weird power, and when you need it the most, it's delivered to you. I have always believed that everything happens for a reason, and once again it has been proven to me. I might have had the most miserable
weekend, but I needed it. I needed to be sad, I needed to be lonely, because if I wasn't, I would have never realized Thailand's remarkable gift and reminders that I am here, and will stay, for a reason.
Sidenote- just as I walked into my room to write this, I had texts from my Uncle with pictures of my cousins, aunts and grandpa telling me about the afternoon they spent at our family's favorite restaurant. Just another example of Thailand taking care of me, and continuing to lift my spirits.